Forgiveness...

Forgiveness is divine, but that doesn't mean we humans can't forgive...or we have to be perfect in order to be able to forgive, we can forgive if we want to and if we seek it.

But when you forgive someone that has done something bad to you what's next? Does it mean you'll forget it all and let go of all the bitterness and the desire for revenge? Does it mean it'll come a time when you remember how bad that person has hurted you and laugh at it or even smile?

Well for me personally it depends on how bad it was. I can forgive and even forget...I may never think about revenge and if that person meant so much to me once I may even never want to see them in the same conditon that they have put me in, even if I would want it at the time but when I think about it, I really wouldn't..

Forgiveness is a relief to you before it's a relief to the other person but to be completely honest, if I am to forgive someone....it doesn't me I can trust them again; now that's the issue I'm facing, trust is so strong that I don't give it easily. I might forgive you but then I will have to be completely careful around you and that's a hassle by itself and I don't want that, so to do me and you a favor...I'd just stay away.

How much can you forgive?

The new year and coffee..

Assalaam alaikum everyone !

 If any of you have ever wondered about where I was gone, well...I really appreciate that you have ! :) and thanks to all of my readers out there who have been flushing me out.

Well 2013 is already here and I can't believe that it has been that long since I last updated this blog...it just, I've had so much going on to a point that some parts of my mind that I never knew existed have actually been occupied (doesn't make much sense i know !)

Frankly I'm still "abnormally" attached to 2012, and I feel its gonna take me a little more longer wrapping my head around the fact that it is 2013 now!
I'm probably expected to talk about updates and what has been going on with my life (fair enough) but I can't think of anything right now to write about other than what coffee does to me...mainly 'cause I lately have experienced a rough night with it..

So... I like coffee, I like its smell, like my mornings with coffee and sometimes when I'm snacking on some biscuits, I can't think of any better drink to go with other than coffee...but I'm also aware of some of its really strange effects on me.
So I decided to quit drinking it...of course for the first three days I experienced some terrible headaches, although I was not addicted to it or anything, but later on it was all good and my body found a way out to cope.

Two days ago I was visiting some family and my aunt (a coffee lover :p) tempted me to drink some, so I was like...scratch that! one cup won't do any harm, and I did drink it...felt great..brought me back to all of my memories with it and basically my mood was at its top that afternoon...well not until the night came down and I headed off to bed.

So 2 hours later in my bed and my eyes are still wide awake, I ironically said in my head "hm, I did drink coffee today.." time passing by only for me to realize that it was just the beginning...

The more I tried to shut my brain off the more it got filled up with thoughts and then I felt my heart started beating so fast I thought I was having a heart attack! (God forbids) which made it worse, I literally was panicking for no apparent reason. My heart felt like it was coming out of my chest and something's bad gonna happen with millions of thoughts floating around my head..thats it! I lost it and started crying 'cause I had no idea what on earth was happening to me! I couldn't stop moving in my bed then I started whispering with some Quran to calm down and I did calm down a bit alhamdulillah...but I was still unable to sleep.

So I got off my bed and drunk water (plenty of it) I was trying to get rid of all the coffee in me and I assume it worked...anyways I promised myself that night to never have any amount of coffee again..not even a sip!

I really don't know why coffee affects me this bad, I don't know if its some kind of allergy or what...but it is sad because I really like it and still to this very moment enjoy its smell although I think I now have developed some kind of phobia to it that it will make it even harder for me to ever drink it again !

So thats about it this time..if you as well can't drink coffee do tell me in a comment and why you can't, I know this is such a random post but well I guess that's just how I roll.. ;)

Speaking of rolling...this is how kats do it:

See ya ! 

Just so you know...

I'm still alive and going through some really difficult time...I ask you all kindly to make Du'a for me, because I seriously have no idea where this is going and it feels like the more I try to make a move and fix things up it gets more messy. make Du'a for me to do the right thing and not end up hurting anyone or myself. Jazakum Allah khairan.

Rabb-ishrah ii sadri, wa yassir li 'amri, Wah-lul 'uqdatam-mil-li-saani, Yaf-qahuu qawlii

Snails

I don't know what to title this post as so I wrote the first thing that came to my mind and its so lame, you'll later find out why.

So I really don't know what's up with the ridiculous lack of motivation to blog that hit me lately, whatever I think I should just cut the nonsense and post something up.

I'm currently eating red grapes while typing this post and having a chat with a friend, its more like she's asking questions and I answer them really. I'm also thinking about heading off to bed right after I finish since I'm waking up pretty early tomorrow, not for college but I could really use some luck.

Major highlights of my weekend:

• I cleaned my room  *woohoo!*
• my sister decided to raise snails 
• I randomly got in the middle of an overheard conversation between two old men on the bus.

Old man1: you know it looks like bubbles 

Old man2: aaaahhhhhh...

Old man1: it's not bubbles but it takes the shape of bubbles

Old man2 : aaaaaaaahhhhhh...

the conversation carries on...

Old man1:  you know.... that thing that looks like bubbles while its not bubbles

Old man2: aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh....

more talk...

Old man1: you'd think its bubbles...

Me: but its not bubbles they simply look like bubbles, its like the camouflage that some animals use. I think he understands that it's really not bubbles.

Old man2: aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

My life is so lame. 

Ramadan's gone

I seriously still can't believe it, but I'm not going into that same old silly talk, as it happens every year, the only thing about this year, is that I'm really not that excited about Eid which is pretty odd 'cause I usually am but anyway it's got to be said, Eid Mubarak!

May you have a happy day among your loved ones, may Allah accept our fast and good deeds and help us continue  following the steps of his prophet (SAWS) to the highest ranks of Jannah  InshaAllah, Ameen.

Well I've got one thing to say: *phew* a lot did happen this Ramadan & I really don't want to go into details but I can say one thing, my life is about to change, no...I'm not getting married, although that can be up but anyways I'm beginning to accept myself as a 20 yo that's going to be 21 and 25 in a blink of the eye.

The only reason why I was having a hard time with my age is because I didn't feel it fits me...just yet, but now I think it kinda does but I'm not so sure, I simply want to know if I'm the only one going through this, did any of you who's already been to 20 feel the same?

Anywho this is meant to be a short post but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, and Eid isn't going to be that exciting for me because the one person I hoped to spend Eid with won't be here :[ most of my family actually so there will be no big fat happy family gatherings! -sad times.

I admit...

*WARNING* this is a frustrating post!!

Assalaam alaikum, hope you're all doing great and making the most of these last ten days of Ramadan.

As for me I'm afraid to say that I feel like so far this isn't the best Ramadan I had, frankly this is the worst Ramadan I ever had. I didn't get to read the Quran as much as I used to and if I ever make it to the end it'll be a miracle, I also feel the days were so ordinary (except being thirsty & tired for the most part)  I was having a hard time just performing my five prayers a day, I didn't pray Taraweeh not even once!  :((  except when I sneak some time before Fajr with few Raka'at

now you ask if I wasn't being busy with the Quran and Ibadah what was I doing?

I was in an internship & I should have considered this happening before I took it, well it's no excuse since a lot of people do work and go to school during Ramadan and still manage to feel the Ramadan spirit, it's not the first time being done.

But this time work was exhausting! The freaking supervisor keeps me too late, although I COULD split but I didn't want to get a bad evaluation, because he obviously seemed one of those hard working freaks and I didn't want to get told off and preached about how this is a great opportunity and should make the most of it blah blah blah, since I already heard that talk once when I first excused myself to go home.

I still feel sad for all the days that were gobbled up for nothing, not exactly nothing but this isn't how I liked to spend my Ramadan, it should be a month off from Dunya not the other way around.

Well I'll see how the rest of it goes and I should definitely fast the six days of Shawwal to feel a bit of accomplishment Inshallah.

I really hope Ramadan was the opposite of mine for you guys and that your days & nights were filled with Ibadah and the reading of Quran and if you're reading this I really apologize for moaning a bit too much.

❤

Assalaam alaikum, I wish you all a very happy Ramadan. May Allah shower His mercy and blessings upon the Islamic Ummah, and may He (SWT) accept our fast, prayers & all of our efforts throughout and beyond this blessed month. Ameen

Quick post here, I know I haven't posted for ages and I feel really bad about it, well it's simply because I've been completely 'unmotivated' to blog about anything, lame excuse but very effective. I just don't know where to start from, as usual I was drowning myself in a lot of thinking which is something I tend to do a lot.

I've been stressing out over a lot of things including the corny fact of how fast time goes by & I think it's a common feature of *insert type of people here* as well as how I didn't have any summer vacation but Ramadan couldn't have come at a better time to clear my mind a bit and I most likely won't be posting that much either.

So I just want to let everyone reading this with some Ramadan reminder!

Jaabir Ibn Abdullah said:

ولا تجعل يوم فطرك ويوم صومك سواء

“Do not let the day when you do not fast and the day when you fast be the same.”

Umar Ibn Khattaab said:

ليس الصيام من الشراب والطعام وحده ، ولكنه من الكذب والباطل واللغو

“Fasting does not mean abstaining from food and drink only, but also abstaining from lying, falsehood and idle speech”.

Hafsah Bint Sireen said:

الصيام جُنَّة ، ما لم يخرقها صاحبها ، وخرقها الغيبة

“Fasting is a shield, so long as one does not make holes in it it, and making holes in it means gheebah (backbiting)”.